Last Tuesday, I typed my draft of a first
time story. This week, I spent time revising and reflecting on how I went about
revising. If I “get” what I do, then I feel more confident to teach my students
how to revise.
REVISIONS: As I revised, I tried to do
these things -
1. I
looked at my lead and checked to see if it told WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN, WHY.
2. I
looked at the heart of the story – the part where I was reading – and made sure
it was stretched out.
3. I
looked at my ending and made sure it had a feeling that connected back to the
beginning.
4. I
also noticed that I drafted using very long sentences. I tried out changing the
length of some of my sentences.
First Time Reading at Church by Mrs.
Donnelly
As the congregation sat down, it was my cue to walk onto
the altar. My third grade teacher had picked me to be a lector for the school
Mass, a job I had never done before. I heard a loud
echo with each step I took, as my church shoes touched the marble floor of the
St. James Church. Once at the podium, I climbed to the second step of the step stool.
Now I could see the large book and my mouth was close to the microphone.
I saw placed on top of the opened book, a xeroxed copy of my
reading, a reading I had been practicing with my teacher for the past two
weeks. I saw the many slanted lines my teacher had added to help me chunk the
word phrases. I saw the punctuation highlighted at the end of each sentence. I
cleared my throat and began. Even though I could probably recite the reading
now from memory, I kept my eyes glued to the page, not looking up once. I didn’t want to see how many people were sitting in
church and how many were now listening to me.
In a loud voice, I said, "A Reading (pause) from the Book
(pause) of Genesis". As I continued, I remembered to pause longer at each
highlighted punctuation mark. I remembered to also pause at each slash mark
made by my teacher - a slash about every 4-6 words. "Scoop up a whole
phrase and say it in one breath," she coached me. "It will sound
funny to you to go so slow, but it will sound clearer through the
microphone."
The next thing I knew, I was
reading the last phrase, "This is the word of
the Lord” and the congregation replied, "Thanks be to God." I stepped
down from the step stool and slowly walked back to my pew.
As I walked, I saw her - my teacher. She was motioning a thumbs-up
and had a big smile on her face. I breathed in and out and smiled widely, too.
I took my seat in my pew relieved that my reading was over and content that all
my preparation, with my teacher's help, had paid off.
Friday is our publishing party and I plan
to display my story, too!
I really like the way you planned (then explained to us) the questions you asked yourself during revision, and then showed us your revision. :)
ReplyDeleteI really like the way you planned (then explained to us) the questions you asked yourself during revision, and then showed us your revision. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for your revision notes! Always love to see the "thinking" involved! Great first time story!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your revision notes! Always love to see the "thinking" involved! Great first time story!
ReplyDeleteSally,
ReplyDeleteI love your purposeful practice. I always learn from you. You are a master teacher!