At the Monday conference I attended in my town on the Units of Study for Teaching Writing, Lucy taught us revision tips - after telling the story bit by bit and using storytelling techniques, she said to ask "What is happening internally with the character (often stated by finishing these sentences: I wonder....I notice...I remember.... )" and ask "What is this story really about?"
My story summary is about the time I spent two Saturdays ago chatting on the phone for three hours to help my oldest prepare for a job interview. Here is my attempt at writing it as a small moment that uses Lucy's the revision tips:
I picked up my blue iPhone and texted Bridgit by typing "I'm free to chat today." and I got this text right back, "How about in 20 minutes?" After sending a happy face reply, I grabbed my laptop, my phone and headed upstairs to my bedroom. Up there, I could talk and type on the computer easily.
After a bit, the phone rang. "Hi mom, I sent you a google doc with the questions."
"Great, let me open up that file," I said set the phone on speaker, freeing up my hands. The document was a list of questions she had received from her recruiter and also another document was her resume.
"So tell me, why this company?" I asked using one of the questions. And she started to rattle off things that attracted her to this job. And I typed things she said into the document as she talked. When she started to ramble, I asked clarifying questions. Then told her to start over and answer it again and I typed the clearer answer. When she hesitated on an anecdote to use, we brainstormed together and then I asked her again and typed her chosen story.
Finally, I looked at the phone and it showed a low battery and that we were approaching hour three of this conversation. "I think I better go soon. I hope this helped."
As I hung up, I wondered about Bridgit. I would hire her in a heart beat. She is very accomplished for her 27 years. She is smart and has a great work ethic. Any company would be lucky to get her. And one will. As her mom, I just want it to be a company that she is passionate to help and one that treats her well as a valued employee. And one that includes hours off to enjoy things, like visits from her mom on holidays!
I liked how you created word pictures. The tempo and rhythm worked well here.
ReplyDeleteI liked how you created word pictures. The tempo and rhythm worked well here.
ReplyDeleteGreat brisk story-telling. You create clear images. And your message of love, support and approval of your daughter shines through.
ReplyDeleteGreat brisk story-telling. You create clear images. And your message of love, support and approval of your daughter shines through.
ReplyDeleteReally loved the content and the craft here. I'm sitting there with you with the speaker phone and your fingers flying on the google doc. What a wonderful momma you are. Who wouldn't want to be with you on those hours off! Love to you Sally and your girl.
ReplyDeleteNicely done, Sally. And good luck to your daughter, too!
ReplyDeleteThank you for starting with the way you crafted this slice. As I work to hone this skill, I appreciated reading about how you brought this moment to life. I like how you used the nearly-out-of-power phone to advance time and reveal how long the your call had lasted. I could really relate to this slice! Best of luck to your daughter.
ReplyDeleteI've learned so much about writing from teaching the kids the Units of Study and ideas from Ralph Fletcher's Craft Lessons. Thanks for sharing your strategy.
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